Happy Birthday to me

Just got fired.

For the first time in my life.
Granted my life experience is not that extensive, but I've left of my own accord until now.

So I'm sitting here for the next hour or so running out my remaining time.

Not at all worried. Just wondering what's next.

God will never close a door, unless there's a window open.

But this is a new experience. Real grown man stuff here ladies and gentlemen.

Yeah...

Pain

me: It's sad when sin no longer bears satisfaction
when all that's left is guilt, burden, and shame

B___: What r u talking about

me: I just realized today
how painful it is to be the source of your own frustration
your own anger
your face is where you direct the blame

B___: That's satisfaction is always short-lived

me: I'm speaking past that
when it's no longer attached at all
it doesn't exist to flee

A letter to my sister.

I realized today that I don’t know my sister. I kinda missed the mark on that.
I feel like she’s spent the last 3 years of her life growing up with me as a fictitious character in some stage play called “Family Events and Outings”
Now she’s gone. And often I have such hope in my heart that she’s living right and doing right. That she truly loves Jesus, that she truly knows God and wants desperately to have a relationship with him. As these are all things that I want for myself and often feel blame and guilt for not being more responsible in being a spiritual cheerleader in her life.
Don’t feel like I’ve supported her or her decisions. I spent so much time being wrapped up in the saga of my own life that I missed seeing her off to prom.
I regret this so much.
I lied to myself and said that I’m not here in place of my dad. But I have been since my parents got divorced and he went to jail.
I have been. I’ve known this.
How do you start a relationship like this over? I’m so glad that God knows and that I don’t have to figure this out.
I’m so sorry Iné.
If I could go back and smack myself and tell me what I was really doing these last 3 years, I would in a heartbeat.
I’m making you a promise : I’ll never be that dude again.
You’ve been a better sister to me than I could have ever asked for.
You’ve turned out so beautifully. I wish I could say I had more to do with that.
But I’m glad God filled in where I couldn’t.
Please forgive me for who I was.
I love you.

Your big brother.

This changed my life

Was headed to the meal @ Zoe's yesterday.
Turned on Rice Radio (Go KTRU 91.7).
They were playing "Psalm".


After I parked I walked across the street to Cactus (so glad it's back open).
Found the ONLY copy of this album left in the store.

When I listened to the song for the second time (and fully for the first time),
I cried.

Never has music evoked such emotion from me. The sheer thought of this baffles me.

As I read the liner notes of the album I discovered that Coltrane delivered this as an offering to God.

That is beautiful.

I've listened 4 more times since then and the same emotions come over me everytime.

I feel this is so important for not only my artistic output, but my life.

Can't wait to see what comes out.

Cause I had to...

movement.

after 520 days, aka 1 year 5 months, and 2 days... I'm moving.

It's been a journey.

There's been a lot growth, some folly, and a slew of (mis)adventures.

Thanks for being a part.

Love & Water <---- what we need to survive.


_J